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I'm suicidal at the moment.
I know killing myselfs not the answer.
But it seems like if i do, I'll have no worries. (Christians don't give me the hell bull crap about suicide, im catholic and simply couldn't care about hell, it's gotta be better then this place right now.)
I don't have anything or anyone to live for.
My mother's an alcoholic, she won't even care as long as she still has her ******* rum.
My dad and step mom, my dad will care a little, but he gets along better with my brother anyway, my brother knows how his aston martin works and how to help fix his rally car, and i don't, so therefor he is more important to my dad. all i know to my dad is how to do nails and makeup. or thats all he thinks about me.
Ha, hell my step mom will have a ******* party after my funeral. Ciara's dead!!! wahoo!! bring out the champagne!
All the **** with my mom and moving half way around the world, rumors about me being preggo and getting sent away by my mom going around at home, my step mom treating me like **** half the time, my mom drinking my life away, has all contributed to my depression.
The only person who seems to understand how i feel is my ex. And i miss him soo much. He moved and cheated on me, which i can't even think about without getting really upset over. And i want him back. i want the past to be erased and me to love him like i did again, he was perfect. He's the only one that knows me well enough to tell me everythings gunna be fine and me to believe him. But its not enough, hes not here, holding me while saying it.
I've been suicidal before. the only reason i snapped out of it was being caught attempting to kill myself, and my bf at the time (my ex) realizing how depressed i was, and helping me out of it, and making me feel loved.
but he's gone, and no one else knows me like he does.
Music also normally snaps me out of it, but i just want to delete all cheery happy music off my mp3 at the moment.

Help, please. I'm completly lost in depression.
I don't want to go to a counclor. been there done that, always gotten the same crap.

You really NEED to get help. Killing yourself will only make things worse. Go to a counsellor, or someone who you trust and tell them. And keep posting any questions you have here- i'll try to help you if no one else will

Just Calm Down, Talk 2 Someone Like A Councellor Because Their Trained In This Kinda Thing.

seriously, i read your profile and you look hot and sound like a really nice person...and you are only 16!

just relax and take life as it comes for a while...things will get better

Thats a serious problem right there. Your way worse then me. You need professional help before you end up getting hurt! PRONTO!!! (As soon as possible!)

If you're 16, maybe if you're feeling courageous you can look into emancipation. But you'd need to prove you can take care of yourself.

I feel that you are in a hostile environment and that you need to get out of it ASAP. You may feel a lot better after you move. Try moving in with another family member. Clearly, your "family" isn't treating you as they should or caring about you as they should.

Killing yourself isn't the way to go. You just need a change of scenery.

Im catholic and it can be tough sometimes. Although my mom is not alcoholic though my dad was and passed coz of it.
There's no real quick fix about this, but can you hang out with your friends at all? Can you go and live somewhere else where you can start all over again?...

I can imagine, it must be annoying if dad only choses his boy coz he's more useful than you. That's ridiculous.

All the best

Fiz

hey first of all i understand and im not trying to be mean but:
show up all the ******* in your life by not letting them win. you could have a great life ahead of you. you could do something really great. now what would killing yourself do? nothing.
if you just HAVE to die, which you DONT, do something with your life by joining the army and dieing there. (even tho i dont belive in the war) by killing yourself you are just wasting a life.
"You've got to fight it somehow, stop and turn around
'Cause this ain't nothin' to die for"-tim mcgraw

Not sure where you live...but have you tried Al Anon? You can go no matter how old you are and just sit there and say nothing. I did it when much younger...was nervous...but I was sooooo tired of feeling like crap! I was so relieved to go there! Such kind people...many with worse stories than you...but picking up their lives and doing something...so look online for the # in your town/city and see about going...even just a few times. That's what it kind of comes down to, doesn't it? Knowing you can feel better but not sure how? Baby steps....

Theres a book by Melody Beattie..(library/book store) called co-dependence no more....worked almost as good as a counselor for me...not that you can't see one if you need to.

All comes down to you feeling more connected to yourself...then all the outside 'stuff' will bounce off of you more. You'll find more answers to feel better easier when you can find ways to help yourself. Even volunteering can help take your mind off of your own 'stuff'.

good luck and by all means talk to your dad or school counselor or call crisis services in your area.

talk to a friend, express your feelings. just enjoy the time on earth that you have b/c you only have like 75 productive years on earth (trust me, my art teacher told my class)

with your ex, ask if you can be friends with him and then later get into a more seriuos relationship.

hoep this helped =) smile