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You sound so depressed. It seems that the people in your family don't accept or appreciate you. It also sounds like you really miss your ex. The only caution I have on that is that if he cheated on you then it probably won't work to go back to him. It is normal to feel upset and down about losing a good bf. You really miss him.

Probably the music makes you sadder because it reminds you of your ex. Look for some new music from groups he and you never listened to. Pandora is a cool site if you don't already know about it. (website below)

It sounds like you have a pretty h***lish life. I can't imagine all that you have had to deal with. It seems less like you will kill yourself, but you just want a way out. You want to escape all the crap in your life. You want someone to just accept you. I included some websites below for teens of alcoholic parents. Maybe something there will help you.

What plans do you have for your future? Do you have hopes or dreams? What can you do to make that happen? Any steps toward your dreams will help. Start thinking what you can do for yourself. You are worth more than you or your family realizes.

Here's what I see in you that you may not see in yourself. I see a young beautiful girl who takes care of herself in spite of her circumstances. I see a strong survivor. That is what you are. You are strong because you have dealt with more in your life than some people who are 50 have never even experienced. I think you are pretty awesome.

If it gets really bad then call the suicide hot-line. They can help you. Here is the number. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Website below)

Do you have any friends you trust? Are there clubs or groups you can go to? If you are catholic is there some groups at your church for young people? You might make some friends and people who accept you.

I wish you the best and I hope you don't give up. There is a better path out there for you. You can get through this.

Don't give up, keep holding on. I'm sure there is a better life waiting for us once this crap passes.

See a doctor and get some help and immerse yourself in what used to make you happy. You have to much to lose if you quit life.